It’s the first of March Let’s do the cliché happy new month thing! Happiness is intoxicating, true happiness beats getting high and wasted any friggin day. I am still not where I want to be but I am thrilled to have taken steps towards my goals. Let’s always remember to count our blessings! Today My mum and I spoke about starting a Non profit organization together that would be geared towards providing help for victims of Abuse ; be it physical or verbal. We’re thinking of providing free counseling, and educational workshops that would prepare these women for life after abuse. Sometimes the thought of leaving is extremely scary and it seems so difficult. Well admittedly it is, because 90 percent of the time we’ve been programmed by these men to believe that we are extremely lucky to be in committed relationships- with them. And so we depend on them for everything because they have managed to control every little aspect of our lives ; especially our finances. That cycle needs to be broken and I want to make it my mission to tell them that there IS a whole world out there full of resources and opportunities just waiting for them!
So here is a little something I got off the internet ( http://www.yourtango.com ) that details about 15 sure signs of an abusive relationship/person. So if you’re reading this please pay close attention to it and reflect upon your relationship. You might be missing some very obvious signs of a violent partner and I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did, by that I mean I confused many of these things as a sign that he LOVED me. He didn’t.
1. He pushes for quick involvement. He comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this before by anyone.” You get pressured for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
2. There is jealousy. Your partner is excessively possesive, calls constantly, or visits unexpectedly.
3. He is controlling. He interrogates you intensely about who you talked to and where you were; checks mileage on the car; keeps all the money or asks for receipts; insists you ask for permission to go anywhere or do anything.
4. He has very unrealistic expectations. He expects you to be the perfect person and meet their every need.
5. There is isolation. He tries to cut you off from family and friends; deprives you of a phone or car, or tries to prevent you from holding a job.
6. He blames others for his own mistakes. The boss, family, you – it’s always someone else’s fault if anything goes wrong.
7. He makes everyone else responsibile for their feelings. The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of “I’m angry.” “I wouldn’t get so pissed off if you wouldn’t…
8. There is hypersensitivity. He Is easily insulted and will often rant and rave about injustices that are just part of life.
9. He is cruel to animals and children. He kills or punishes animals brutally. He also may expect children to do things beyond their ability, or tease them until they cry.
10. His “playful” use of force during sex. He enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will; he says they find the idea of rape exciting. Intimidates, manipulates, or forces you to engage in unwanted sex acts.
11. There is verbal abuse. He constantly criticizes you or says cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. He will use vulnerable points about your past/life against you.
12. There are rigid gender roles. He Expects you to serve, obey, and remain at home.
13. He has sudden mood swings. He switches from loving to angry in a matter of minutes.
14. He has a past of battering. He admits to hitting women in the past, but states that they or the situation brought it on.
15. There are threats of violence. He makes statements such as, “I’ll break your neck,” but then dismisses it with “I really didn’t mean it.
I hope this is helpful. If you are out there and you are experiencing abuse of ANY kind, please notify the nearest women’s health center in your vicinity or any Domestic violence and abuse center so they can protect you and give you all the help you need to leave and stay away from your abuser. If you are too scared to go by yourself please confide in someone you trust for example a family member or a best friend who can give you the support you need and hold your hand through it. It is not an easy thing to do but have faith in yourself and don’t be ashamed to talk about it. This is not your fault!
– A. Afua