I think most people would define a queen as the wife of a king… Be that as it may I don’t agree with that. A queen to me is a powerful woman in her own right. I prefer the definition of a queen  that I read somewhere as a female ruler, A female ruler of an independent state, like Queen Victoria.  Oh Yes, that to me is power. In Ghana I love what it represents to be a queen.. Let me tell you about Yaa Asantewaa. She was the queen of the Ashanti empire, born in 1840. She is an example of power and female authority/presence in our history and I wish I were as strong and as brave a she was. In those days slavery was prevalent in Ghana and the fight for freedom was a centuries long affair! Yaa Asantewaa was the one who led the Ashanti’s against the British in the war of the Golden stool after Frederick Hodgeson the British governor demanded that it be handed over. I’m telling you that this woman was not having it! The stool is believed in Ashanti culture to contain the soul of the people of Ashanti. After colonizing their nation, kidnapping and exiling the previous king and shipping off the people as slaves to the western world, the demand for the stool was the final insult. She commanded the army against the British in battle in 1900 and although they lost I will forever admire and hail her because she had the faith and courage and strength to defend her monarchy in life theatening circumstances.. Something that I can only dream of having now.
That aside, in my perspective I think every woman should strive to be a Queen. We ARE Queens.  Not all of us have the fortune of being born with royal blood but we are all important and successful at something or the other so whatever you are BE THE QUEEN OF THAT!  Be bold, be beautiful, be sexy, be savvy, be smart, and be confident!  Be YOU.  Having self confidence is something I am actually just experiencing now and I’m what almost 25? Lol   It’s such a good feeling to have a sense of who you are and KNOW what you want.  When I left Him the first few times before now, I realized that I did not know who I was. I am still not even sure but I am really enjoying figuring it out. I was so used to my identity as ‘George’s girlfriend’  that I had no clue what to do when he wasn’t there because he controlled everything. Loving myself is what set me free. That is the only thing that saved me. The first time I had the courage to leave it was scary. I couldn’t stay very long because I felt destitute all the time. Like a dog without it’s master. I began looking at the men who came my way differently. I wanted them to make me happy. The need was so strong because I had this empty hole inside me and I didn’t know what to fill it with.  I thought the more men that desired me the more cherished I was and the better I would feel because they had to be better than George. As long as they didn’t hit me.  I didn’t know then how to love myself and be confident in my womanhood.

So when I speak of bad decisions this is one of those. I let them paw at me and use me and sleep with me whenever they wanted because I thought I would feel better. I thought I was cherished and all of their sweet words and promises meant that I was going to be okay, but deep down I wasn’t. I was afraid of being alone and I had grown used to depending on a man. That didn’t make me feel any better? It made me a slut. Yup. I remember sleeping with one guy that I didn’t even like! He was crazy about me but I will be shallow and say that he was a sleazeball. Yet oddly, I kept calling him every time I felt alone or vulnerable and he would fuck me right to sleep.  And when I realized the things I was doing and how lost I was it scared me so much that I made yet  another bad decision – I went right back to George because at least I knew what to expect from him. I knew he would punish me severely but I thought I deserved it for making a mess of things. So I stayed.
Life has been a long hard learning process. I can’t say that I have enjoyed it but I am grateful for the lessons learned. I can’t wait to settle down and meet a good man. I will find him but for now I want to find God first and then Myself! .:-). And So…You are a Queen. Be a Queen. I Am A QUEEN . I am strong and confident. I am beautiful. I am the ruler of my own domain. I am the boss of ME. I make ME happy.. what are you waiting for??

A. Afua


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