For the ‘damaged girl’…..


I turned 26 yesterday. I spent half the day trudging through mud at a local basic school, trying to secure their pitch for the drivers’ training at work. I also got reminded about five times that I had just four years until I was 30.  Aside that, It was truly one of theee best birthdays ever!  Lots of surprises, lots of love, including a beautiful ginromous bouquet I was completely and utterly floored by. Ah-mazinggg.

I thought about a lot of things though.. especially the things I had done wrong over the years and I wondered when that eureka moment where everything falls into place would come. Per my mother’s conversation that morning about how it was time to have babies and settle down, I asked myself later that night if I would even be a deserving of the kind of partner I wanted in light of the sort of person I was now.. The answer was a big fat NO! I still have a long way to go.

I think some of us females spend too much time looking for the perfect partner without being introspective, paying attention to ourselves. Are we even deserving of those people? Have we done enough soul searching, worked on ourselves?  What do we have to offer?

I am just thinking of the women like me out there.. It is hard being the metaphorical “Damaged girl” Sometimes we do truly make the best girlfriends just because we’re the wickedly-sexy-imperfectly- perfect- spontaneous humans who are more than aware of what it’s like to be hurt and abused in the worst ways, so we’re stronger and wiser for it. On the contrary, We also know when to walk away from people because we’re so  afraid of getting attached and getting murdered by those soppy, magical, mushy feelings that have always led us into the wrong arms. So if you’re truly paying attention to this post, this is the part where you realize that at other times we  absolutely make the worst girlfriends!

Here’s why:

  • We’re overly defensive about EVERYTHING. heck even a simple ‘why are you late?’ could turn into a full blown rant about your partner not being sensitive to your ‘gruelling’ morning routine.. yeah.
  • We haven’t done enough work trying to repair the damage. This is true, We’ve come a long way but that is not the end of the road. Having a pattern of dating assholes does not make you the victim. It just means there may be something you’re also doing that you need to address. You don’t need someone to swoop in and  save you, You need to save You.
  • It’s hard to appreciate anything long term because we have set the most impossible standards for potential partners to live by and when they don’t we’re difficult, angry and unpleasant to deal with because they didn’t jump through all our hoops and hurdles perfectly.

This is a word to the ‘damaged girl’ where ever you are, the ones in constant battle with themselves because they’re trying to figure everything out today. The ones with the restless spirits, perpetually torn in half because you always have a never ending desire to be wild and free yet there’s always that hidden craving to be still and try to find peace within yourself. The ones with the seemingly outrageous diversity of friends in their lives just because your hearts are just that big to accommodate people that everyone else would rather judge.  yes, ‘damaged girl’ who everyone gossips about and picks apart because they have dissected every little  piece of your love life and tagged you with colourful names for making wrong choices…The bad part comes to an end one day, I promise…guard your hearts because you’re going to be a little too intense, a little too passionate and a little too insane for the self proclaimed proper,conservative, well- mannered and sophisticated ones.  ❤


-A. Afua

ps. read the when you have time!


10 thoughts on “For the ‘damaged girl’…..

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  1. As a former “damaged” girl who is now a 60+ “damaged” woman, I’m glad you wrote this post. Personally, I enjoy being far from perfect–and all those women both young and old who are far from perfect should embrace their imperfections. It’s called character!
    I now have a wonderful yin to my yang in the form of a wonderful Frenchman.
    But regardless, I have a 26 year-old-daughter. And I never, ever tell her that she needs to settle down and start a family. I don’t say that to my sons so why would I say that to my daughter. I believe in sibling equality. Seriously though, as a mom, I would rather my three grown children be happy by themselves rather than to be miserable with the wrong person.
    There is no time limit to happiness. Just the span of our lifetimes.
    You don’t need a partner to validate you as a person!
    Great read, thank you for the most excellent food for thought!

    1. You’re welcome! It’s tough being on the liberal side sometimes when you’re a young woman.. especially growing up in Ghana. I appreciate the advice in your comment too !❤❤

  2. Real talk from the realest person i’ve come to know my whole entire life…love you always and believe me when i say “you have no idea the lives you are impacting with these columns.” Keep it up!

  3. My dear , the phrase damaged does not apply to you. Beneath the self deprecation I a sensetive and loving young lady ,mistakes are what shapes our future .; from these emerge successful , determined achievers ….. Go out and conquer the world..

  4. Even God acknowledges that we have weaknesses!.. and it is only in them that His strength is made perfect in us. Our difficulties and mistakes in the past help shape us into beautiful people today. God bless Awo!😙

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