I’ve found myself thinking a lot about what God is doing with me in this season. To be honest, it’s sometimes such an emotional rollercoaster. Have you ever prayed, had your prayer answered, only for God to turn around and take it away? *sigh* I know God’s intentions are always for the best (Jeremiah 29:11), but much like Jacob, I’m a planner; much like him I’ve been engulfed with fears and anxiety over my future, and very much like him, I’ve wrestled with God. Now I’m exhausted and broken.
Nevertheless, I’ve learnt that it’s okay to be ‘gracefully broken’. God may have injured Jacob’s hip, but in the end, He blessed him and renewed his identity. You see, when your will is struggling with the will of God in your life, God will break you to bless you, and from the roots, your brokenness bears the fruit of your breakthrough. The Bible tells us that Jacob was anxious to see his brother Esau, however, the latter embraced him with a kiss (Genesis 33:4). I found this encouraging. I discerned that the future is not my enemy, so why waste time panicking about it?
So what do I do while I wait? Romans 5 suggests that endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our hope. So I ask myself, what is hope, and why do I need it to be strengthened? One definition that stood out to me was: “Hope is a feeling of trust, a security and a reason to keep going. It is a passionate desire of our heart. It is a feeling of expectation and a longing for a certain thing to happen.” – Verity Russell
In a nutshell, for me, hope is faith in God. I cannot fit this definition into any area of my life without placing it before God. So while I wait, I’ve found more of myself (whatever that means to me) and learnt to recognise vantage points God has placed me, in order to fulfil my purpose, which has inherently changed my mode of worship. Learning from Hannah, when she desired a child from God, she prayed in her heart, and kept on praying, she made a covenant with God, and worshipped Him even when her prayers had not yet been answered. The story goes on to say, one morning after she arose and worshipped, she made love to her husband, and God remembered her (with a child of course). Thereafter, He granted her 5 other children and put her enemies to shame. I truly believe Hannah’s diligent act of worship stood out to God. And from the very meaning of the word ‘remember’ or ‘Zakar’ in Hebrew, God made a memorial out of her, as an example for us who wait on Him to fulfil our heart’s desires.
Therefore, we must always remember: trusting and waiting on God helps us to rediscover our identity in Christ and our purpose here on earth. This, in turn, takes us to a new level of worship, where God himself is pleased and sets us as an example for others through our testimonies. Furthermore, in times of trial or when all hope seems to be lost, so far as we put our hope in the Lord, we ought never to forget that He breaks us to bless us, for the roots our brokenness indeed bears the fruits of our breakthrough.
.. So when you give, give one hundred percent of your trust to God; when pray, pray with a passionate desire of your heart; when you fast, fast with a security and a reason to keep going; and when you wait, wait with a feeling of expectation for certain things to happen. For the love of Christ, that surpasses all understanding will never fail you.